When sudden developments catch us off guard in the parental role
What is pre-adolescence
Pre-adolescence is the developmental stage of transition from childhood to adolescence. In simple terms, it is the forerunner of adolescence and a period full of challenges for both children and their parents. Parents often describe this experience as “walking through a minefield of changes,” since the developments are usually abrupt and unpredictable.
In my view, pre-adolescence is like an unexpected intruder who, in the best-case scenario, must be welcomed as a housemate by the whole family and helped to integrate smoothly into its system and way of life. Despite the difficulties that may arise, I believe this stage is a privileged period to stand by your child and talk to them about important matters. During pre-adolescence, children are being prepared both physically and mentally for the onset of adolescence.
Pre-adolescence age range
There are differing opinions on when exactly pre-adolescence begins and ends. Some experts define it as the age range between 9 and 13, while others place it between 8 and 12. This variation exists because every child develops at their own pace—some enter pre-adolescence earlier, others later.
What parents should expect
Pre-adolescence often comes with challenges and changes for children, as they lose their childhood innocence, and for parents who are frequently confronted with unpleasant surprises. Moody, odd, and stubborn behaviours may begin to surface gradually, leading some parents to worry that their child’s character is changing. This is a misconception rooted in a lack of information. These behaviours are mostly due to the child going through pre-adolescence and developing a strong sense of their own will.
Of course, we must exclude cases where parents have valid concerns that something deeper is going on, such as when a sudden behavioural change may be linked to a traumatic event.
Parents of children with calm temperaments may find it harder to adapt to emotional outbursts, as pre-adolescence can suddenly turn even the most well-behaved and quiet child into someone more reactive and difficult—often over things that seem insignificant to adults.
As a professional psychologist and psychotherapist, my role is to guide and support parents. I explain that it’s best to be observant and avoid jumping to conclusions or criticizing the child, as mood and behavioural changes at this stage are entirely normal. Parents must handle them as smoothly and gently as possible. I also emphasize that pre-adolescence has a positive side. As mentioned earlier, it is a fertile period for strengthening communication with your child, as the needs of this stage call for proper psychoeducation, awareness, and preparation.
The biggest issues in pre-adolescence and their causes
In the table below, you will find a summary of the most common concerns parents have about their pre-adolescent children (left column) along with the main reasons why they might be happening (right column):
| The child… | Possible cause |
| Doesn’t listen (possibly due to being distracted). | Distraction is typical in pre-adolescence due to hormonal and other chemical changes. |
| Refuses to cooperate or obey when asked to do something. | In trying to explore themselves and their boundaries in search of identity, the child may resist adult authority or imitate adult roles. Also, during this uncertain period, the child needs to have some control over events to feel secure. |
| Talks back or uses sarcasm. | This is part of asserting independence and testing limits. |
| May use swear words. | This can be a way of experimenting with adult-like behaviour. |
| Has mood swings and intense emotional outbursts. | During pre-adolescence, hormonal activity increases, leading to heightened sensitivity and emotional instability. |
| Becomes secretive or lies. | As the child grows, so does their need for privacy and independence. |
Coming next: “Pre-Adolescence (Part B): How to better manage your child during pre-adolescence”
