The feeling of warmth that love brings is innate and begins in infancy (or dare I say, even in the womb). Just think of the bond a newborn feels with its mother while nursing. Children may feel love from a very young age, but because they are not as mature or developed in speech and expression as adults, they may struggle to describe in words what they feel.
So, we speak to children about emotions in a simple but vivid way, using examples they can understand.
What is love
For example: “Love is a warm, soft feeling like a fluffy cloud that holds us and we hold it in our arms,” “Love makes me want to dance, sing, and laugh,” “I want to show love with my body. I may want to hug, caress, or kiss the one who makes me feel loved. A person can make me feel love.” “My favourite pet, like my cat or dog, can fill me with that feeling, or even my favourite toy can make me feel really good.”
You too can speak to children about love using similar metaphors and examples and even ask them to express love in their own ways and through their own comparisons. Often, children’s words can surprise us when they have well-developed emotional intelligence. I once heard a four-year-old say, “Love is a hug, a warm nest” (!)
Types of love
You can explain it to children like this: “There are many different kinds of love. I love my mom and dad differently than I love a friend,” “Love is always a positive feeling. When I love, I’m filled with happiness. I want to celebrate, to share my joy with others,” “When I’m full of love, I never want to behave badly or feel unpleasant.”
Showing love to others
I can show my love in many ways. Some examples:
• When I love others, I accept them as they are—I love them for who they are without rejecting them.
• I want to spend time with the people I love.
• I often want to show my love through gestures, like a caring hug, a caress, or kisses. I might even want to give a gift to someone I love.
Talk with children about their own examples.
Receiving love from others
For example: “When others love me, that means they want what’s best for me. They want me to be well, happy, and healthy. They might take care of me, like mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma do. Friends who love me often want to spend time with me and be happy together,” etc.
Ask children to find more examples from their own experiences.
Caution!
Avoid asking children comparative questions that might put them in a tough spot (e.g., “Who do you love more, mom or dad?”). The goal is to help the child understand the emotion of love and learn to express it better, not to make them feel uncomfortable.
(The next article “Emotions” will explain how to talk to children about the feeling of anger.)
